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नोव्हेंबर
08

The second day at Ashram…

This is the second day. I spent a whole day at the Auroville and surroundings. The sun has just set. And I am back to Ashram with zeal. Everything here is same. But only I am not. Today, I am fresh after a good evenings nap. So today there will not be sleep, only concentration. I stand before the Samdhi, calm and quite. Various colours of flowers seem vibrant today. I kneel down near the Samadhi. I keep my palms gently onto the flowers and close my eyes. Flowers seem cool, wet and dewey smooth. I tremble a bit but keep going. I am concentrating well on my breathing. It is slow and constant. I am not sleeping yet everything is not fine. Body strains again. I change my position again. Compared to other people sitting there, I am kind of moving too much. I try to concentrate on concentrating.
Now, my concentration is not a mind game. My body has come into play. I concentrate on that flowery touch. I concentrate on my palms. Later, I concentrate on my knee, which is having a hard time supporting my body weight on that hard surface. Some more time later, I wake up from those concentrations, fully managed, fully composed and smiling. A joyous and relaxed feeling is spread on my face and in my mind. I do not know from where it comes. There is no specific reason.
I stand up and move away from the Samadhi to give others a place. I sit, fold my back and relax my back against wall. I sit straight. I am already feeling calm and quite. But the whole feeling is neither advancing nor I am sleeping.
I am fresh, I can not sleep. I am concentrating. I can not get the Samadhi. I am stuck. Suddenly I can hear silence. I can hear people walking, sitting down, getting up, tapping on others shoulder, musical horn of motorcycle on a nearby road etc. etc. People appear noisy when trying to suppress their voice. They look like struggling to keep silence. And as a result, I am disturbed. Here I am concentrating at many things, may not be at a time, but my mind keeps on running here and there. Yet every time, I am well concentrated, be it breathing, my body or other sounds!
I finally decide to get out of the mess and walk out if Ashram straight away. I involuntarily concentrate on the work I am immersed into. I get lost and disconnected from outer world. But then again, it’s a smile, smile of accomplishment, when I reconnect back to the world. May be then; when I sit down to do dhyan, if I concentrate (virtually) on nothing, I sleep or I discover too many things to concentrate on and get lost.
I do not know if I am getting a chance to be here tomorrow, but if I do, I need to investigate into it!

Unfortunately enough, I did not get the chance to visit the Ashram again. Investigation is yet pending. But that should do no harm, because I have started planning for a return there even before I left Pondicherry!

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