I was at nashik some days back. There, in much silent setting, I was able to chronicle my thoughts into words. Today, just some time back. I wrote down my afterthoughts. Though personal in nature, I see no much harm putting it in here. Here it goes…
P.S. : I haven’t really reviewed or edited my thoughts. So they may appear broken or you may encounter some spelling mistakes too. That’s it.
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Lesser the outer noise, more the inner voice can be heard. I am thus planning to change the verb from ‘can be’ to ‘is’. I just got a chance to ride an ageold, compulsorily slow running scooty up and down a winding road. Slow speed, faster flowing cold breezes, warm yellow streetlights zigzagging into darkness and an overwhelming silence… I could hear my old cold breathing. Reached home, I have had a delighting insight into something of myself, which was earlier, probably, lost or remained covered in throwaways of my urban life.
That insightful ride is now followed by a night. A night that is deep dark and cold from within… Journey on this path awaits me. I am looking forward to these days in nashik…
10.42 pm
16/12/11
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Its another day, that was spent among relatives, passing on plesantaries, pulling legs and all the fun people have when everyone is caring about each other. Now it is an evening, a silent one. I am fresh from bath and loads of creative work awaits. Taking a step forward from last night’s slight discovery. My mind, unconsciously, was dipping and swimming into it, whenever it got a chance. Caught a few winks in late afternoon. those winks had me transcent me into another world of thoughts, almost instantly. Those thoughts ran faster than speed of light and issues had multiple solutions buzzing within few minutes. I, myself, it should be ok to say here, am coping up with a setback in my personal life. And I woke up with knowing yet another part of understanding towards myself. I cannot be more thankful to these soulfully silent living conditions here.
Now there is some function, somewhere nearby, probably playing “Teri Meri” from Bodyguard, of which only heavy bass n rhythm track is reaching my ears polished only with the high notes of that female singer. It stops. And again its my old cold breathing accompanying me.
08.14 pm
17/12/11
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I am a rebel. Rebel in a way that I want live my life in, the way I ideate things, the way I draw upon my principles. I am a rebel. I do respect emotions, societal constraints and civic rules. I uphold moral values. And most importantly, I respect love; as love grows out of no reason whatsoever and thus is purest of an emotion i.e. unaffected by any outer factor when in its true form. I want to see humans as humans only. Without judging them, I make it firm that everyone has his own true reasons, for whatever they do. As Mark Twain had famously said, “All generalisations are false, including this one.”. I want to see humans as humans only; not like someone else that they are not and we probably want them to be so. Honestly, I still fall in this trap and suffer. I feel everything that is done with slightest of dishonesty is immoral. Values and emotions are the only things making humans, humans. And I am a human. I uphold humanity.
May be I haven’t said something seriously rebelious above. But I dont really see people acting like that. People respect power, money and completely denounce human intelligence, human need for love and heartfelt emotions. Headstrong people are not giving practicality to the society but sheer cruelty and thats unneededly upfront. If a supreme power really exists, may it grant me a power to be firm on my heartfelt emotions and rational decisions. And may I be able to love with an innocent mind, always.
‘had forgotten to record date and time. may be 18th or 19th’
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Many days have passed since I have came back from a very fulfilling tour to nashik. Yet that indeliberate quest, towards understanding myself is incomplete. I am in no hurry as that could take a lifetime! Coming back to the ground and present, by now I have spent 2 days doing absolutely nothing. I have paid no attention to my work. May be that’s why, I am being able to write and continue this with a silent and calm mind. There was a series incident that took place in nashik. Those incidents were filled with so much of quirky yet lifelike drama that I actually could not believe them happening. Those incidents, during them, accelerated my mind to an extent it crashed. Actually speaking, I had a very very deep sleep for a considerable passage of time. 🙂 I have had someone important and dear one sitting beside me, though a sort of alienated. And that alienation is fine as long as it doesn’t affect the harmony between us. Coming back to me and myself, when that series of incidents ended, I was refreshed and happier. And I think, a bit of wise too!
I, now, will hit my work with new vigour and creative generosity. As it would only help in the output getting better. Cheers to my optimistic soul!
21:35 28-12-2011
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आल्हादक प्रतिबिंब! 